Sunday, April 13, 2014

I Don't Weigh Myself Anymore

I use to be obsessed with my weight. I would weigh myself several times a day, getting either instantly excited or instantly let down by even the slightest movement in the numbers. When the numbers were lower than the time before, I felt hope and encouragement. I would go to my closest and reach for the old pair of smaller jeans, sitting on the shelf, that had been collecting dust. Would this be the day that these pants would fit once again? I would slip my feet in and pull them up, but to no avail, they would come to a halt right at my thighs. But I lost weight right?? Maybe not wearing them for so long caused them to shrink.... (Yeah, probably not) I would sadly pull them off, fold them up and throw them back onto the shelf once again. Then, days would pass and I would continue to weigh myself, some days the number would be a really good one, and other days it was as if all of my hard work was going to waste as I watched the scale creep up 5, 6, sometimes 7 numbers. On those days, I felt worthless and hopeless, and on the verge of giving up. I remember on those days thinking, I will never get down to what I think is my perfect weight. There is no point in even trying anymore. What a waste of time.  Even when I started fitting into smaller sizes, it wasn't good enough.   My worth, the reflection of my dedication to losing weight, my appearance, it was all being based off of those lousy numbers. But why?  Why were the numbers so important to me?  Yes, I was once a 5'2" 125lb and size 4 woman. But you know what? I had no muscle tone. I was flabby. So do you know what I decided to do? I decided to make a choice about two weeks ago. It was one of the hardest choices I've had to make. To some it may not seem like a big deal, but others may understand exactly why it was such a hard choice. I decided on April 1,2014 that I was no longer going to weigh myself. Yes, that is right. Me, the woman who would weigh herself 5 times or more a day, was no longer going to be setting foot on a scale. I had my husband hide the scale and he did. I have no idea where it is, and I don't want to know. I feel so liberated knowing that I am no longer bound by the numbers on the scale. I have no idea how much I weigh at the moment, but I do know one thing. My clothes fit, and some of my newer, smaller clothes are even getting a little baggy, I have more strength and energy  than I once had, and THAT is what is important. On top of no longer weighing myself, I've decide to stop counting calories and just listen to my body. I eat when I am hungry and I make healthy choices. If I decide to splurge, I do so in moderation.  If you were once held captive by the importance of the number on the scale, I urge you to take a step back and think about why that number is so important, and remember that two people can weigh exactly the same and have completely different body types. You are more than just a number on a scale!  Eat healthy, exercise, get enough sleep and drink enough water. Everything else will fall into place!  

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